Thursday, June 17, 2004
Sensations of the end
I am in a long sleeved shirt, wool trousers, and a tie. I wear socks that go to my knee and leather shoes. I took off the silk sports jacket long ago because I walk through zones of AC and no AC. The humidity in the halls would wilt lettuce in two seconds, then the office has air conditioners that are yelling in our faces trying to do their job.
When I walk down the halls I instantly go into Army Officer training mode; I walk in a measured pace and swing my arms in equal distances from my body fore and aft. I curl my fingers and thumbs into a neat configuration as I was trained before turning "blue" as an officer's candidate at Fort Benning, Georgia. If I have an object in my hand it goes in the left hand and remains fixed next to the body while the right hand continues to swing in the prescribed arc. This method of moving through the halls keeps me calm and ordered. I keep calm. I don't rush things. I know people are watching me. Sometimes kids and teachers salute me in the halls. They know he stance and respect it.
The rigors of going from cold to hot and humid environments eventually wear down my human resistance in spite of my efforts to maintain order and civility. One of my teachers say I have blood-shot eyes and I look tired. I don't feel it, but my body says otherwise. I notice that I have no tolernce for petty problems at the time. I want to be with the kids and talk to the teachers; I don't want to hear a parent complain that they have to pay a book fine. Just pay it!
I freshened up after the day because I had another interview. I felt the cool water on my face and after drying, I closed my eyes and sprayed some witchhazel on my face to tighten up the bags. It felt cool. I also put a little cologne in the bottle and smell the fresh scent that is now drying on my skin. I look in the mirror and see this person with bags under his eyes and hair gone from the top of his head and can hardly recognize him. Time and stress take a big toll on a body. Do I have to sleep upside down to help erase these indicators of age? I would rather get a good night's sleep, which is a real challenge these days.
Do I still feel like a kid? Yes. Do I look like a kid? Don't ask.
When I walk down the halls I instantly go into Army Officer training mode; I walk in a measured pace and swing my arms in equal distances from my body fore and aft. I curl my fingers and thumbs into a neat configuration as I was trained before turning "blue" as an officer's candidate at Fort Benning, Georgia. If I have an object in my hand it goes in the left hand and remains fixed next to the body while the right hand continues to swing in the prescribed arc. This method of moving through the halls keeps me calm and ordered. I keep calm. I don't rush things. I know people are watching me. Sometimes kids and teachers salute me in the halls. They know he stance and respect it.
The rigors of going from cold to hot and humid environments eventually wear down my human resistance in spite of my efforts to maintain order and civility. One of my teachers say I have blood-shot eyes and I look tired. I don't feel it, but my body says otherwise. I notice that I have no tolernce for petty problems at the time. I want to be with the kids and talk to the teachers; I don't want to hear a parent complain that they have to pay a book fine. Just pay it!
I freshened up after the day because I had another interview. I felt the cool water on my face and after drying, I closed my eyes and sprayed some witchhazel on my face to tighten up the bags. It felt cool. I also put a little cologne in the bottle and smell the fresh scent that is now drying on my skin. I look in the mirror and see this person with bags under his eyes and hair gone from the top of his head and can hardly recognize him. Time and stress take a big toll on a body. Do I have to sleep upside down to help erase these indicators of age? I would rather get a good night's sleep, which is a real challenge these days.
Do I still feel like a kid? Yes. Do I look like a kid? Don't ask.
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