Thursday, July 15, 2004
Life thus far
I haven't had a summer like this before. I am not working, but I am not enjoying the time off because I'm not make any money. Heather was here last week and she is now the parent and I'm the child needing support in this difficult time.
Donna has left me emotionally if not physically. it is only a matter of time. If I got a good paying job it would not make any difference now, because she doesn't believe in me anymore. Heather is supporting me because she is my daughter. Damon? I don't know. I don't expect kids to take sides. They have enough problems to cope with. What do I want? I don't know yet. Too soon to tell. I could find a job in NJ, a private school, or a school outside of NJ. Anything would be better than nothing since I am or will be receiving pension soon.
I think of my Grandfather Salmon, "Pop Pop". He couldn't hold down a job but that was because he took his earnings to the bar and got wasted so much he didn't show up for work the next Monday and got fired. I have two degrees, was a U. S. Army officer, worked in different schools for thirty years in NJ and now I am a person that can't hold down a job? Even if I came to the realization that I had problems in my jobs, I kept trying. I was "reduced in force" form Flemington in December and kept a stiff upper lip until I left in June. That takes courage, doesn't it? Maybe. But what were my alternatives? To leave and never return to teaching again. If I had done that I would not have made the 30 years.
I am hesitant to dream to have a goal because it gets obliterated by the immediate needs of the time. Is it possible to dream to make a goal, to set out in that direction and still put food on the table and pay the mortgage? People do it all the time; why can't I?
Donna has left me emotionally if not physically. it is only a matter of time. If I got a good paying job it would not make any difference now, because she doesn't believe in me anymore. Heather is supporting me because she is my daughter. Damon? I don't know. I don't expect kids to take sides. They have enough problems to cope with. What do I want? I don't know yet. Too soon to tell. I could find a job in NJ, a private school, or a school outside of NJ. Anything would be better than nothing since I am or will be receiving pension soon.
I think of my Grandfather Salmon, "Pop Pop". He couldn't hold down a job but that was because he took his earnings to the bar and got wasted so much he didn't show up for work the next Monday and got fired. I have two degrees, was a U. S. Army officer, worked in different schools for thirty years in NJ and now I am a person that can't hold down a job? Even if I came to the realization that I had problems in my jobs, I kept trying. I was "reduced in force" form Flemington in December and kept a stiff upper lip until I left in June. That takes courage, doesn't it? Maybe. But what were my alternatives? To leave and never return to teaching again. If I had done that I would not have made the 30 years.
I am hesitant to dream to have a goal because it gets obliterated by the immediate needs of the time. Is it possible to dream to make a goal, to set out in that direction and still put food on the table and pay the mortgage? People do it all the time; why can't I?
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