Wednesday, January 05, 2005
The Birthday
They have been a disaster in the past; at least that is the way Donna looks at them. I look at her birthdays with dread, knowing that I do not have the formula for success. Knowing you are doing all you can and also knowing that you will fail is an awful feeling. I was Charlie Brown determined to kick that football only to have success snatched from my reach.
This year I had an advantage; Donna hinted that she wanted some jewelry and pointed out the type she wanted in a store right after my birthday. I went back and bought some earrings with tanzenite and diamonds and stowed them away in my night stand.
Before her birthday, she said she wanted to go out to eat and preferred McCormick and Schmick. Well, Heather gave me some cupons for $20 off at that restaurant the week before when I visited and that cinched it. We planned to go. I wanted to get her flowers, but she was going to stay at home for her day, so I went to BJs the night before, got two dozen roses and smuggled them into the basement, where I cut and arranged them in a vase for the next day. I made cards on the computer and picked up a devotional book for us to read at supper together.
That morning I brought up the roses and arranged the cards. I had my clothes set out ahead of time so I wouldn't disturb her and left. I called during the day and she said she appreciated the flowers. She went out with Damon to Jake's for lunch. While she gave a few lessons I rushed home and wrapped the gifts and put them in a bag to go. Damon told me he got her a wireless house phone complete with caller ID and an answering machine.
We went to the restaurant together. I brought all the gifts in my messenger bag. We had a great meal and she opened her gifts before the dessert came out. She loved every one. She announced that she had a very good birthday celebration thanks to Damon and me.
At last, I was successful for once. The thing that made me successful was not the gifts or the effort, but the fact that I bought her main gift in November; two months before. How would I have figured that out? She was impressed that I thought of her before her birthday and didn't rush something together at the last minute.
She doesn't know that I think of her all the time and wish for a better relationship, but she had to have proof, so she got it. At the same time, I don't think she cares a fig for me. I feel that she cares that someone cares for her and that's all. Well, she got her wish and I was successful, but I felt hollow because if you do something right you are great, but if you are just you its not enough. Maybe I need a dog.
This year I had an advantage; Donna hinted that she wanted some jewelry and pointed out the type she wanted in a store right after my birthday. I went back and bought some earrings with tanzenite and diamonds and stowed them away in my night stand.
Before her birthday, she said she wanted to go out to eat and preferred McCormick and Schmick. Well, Heather gave me some cupons for $20 off at that restaurant the week before when I visited and that cinched it. We planned to go. I wanted to get her flowers, but she was going to stay at home for her day, so I went to BJs the night before, got two dozen roses and smuggled them into the basement, where I cut and arranged them in a vase for the next day. I made cards on the computer and picked up a devotional book for us to read at supper together.
That morning I brought up the roses and arranged the cards. I had my clothes set out ahead of time so I wouldn't disturb her and left. I called during the day and she said she appreciated the flowers. She went out with Damon to Jake's for lunch. While she gave a few lessons I rushed home and wrapped the gifts and put them in a bag to go. Damon told me he got her a wireless house phone complete with caller ID and an answering machine.
We went to the restaurant together. I brought all the gifts in my messenger bag. We had a great meal and she opened her gifts before the dessert came out. She loved every one. She announced that she had a very good birthday celebration thanks to Damon and me.
At last, I was successful for once. The thing that made me successful was not the gifts or the effort, but the fact that I bought her main gift in November; two months before. How would I have figured that out? She was impressed that I thought of her before her birthday and didn't rush something together at the last minute.
She doesn't know that I think of her all the time and wish for a better relationship, but she had to have proof, so she got it. At the same time, I don't think she cares a fig for me. I feel that she cares that someone cares for her and that's all. Well, she got her wish and I was successful, but I felt hollow because if you do something right you are great, but if you are just you its not enough. Maybe I need a dog.
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